Dates

I know who I am.

And I know who I’m becoming.

I am becoming someone unafraid.

Unafraid of what people think of me,

Unafraid of the actions I do,

Just unafraid.

Yet I’m still terrified.

Terrified of who I used to be,

What shadows lurk behind me,

What people have to judge me upon.

And I'm terrified of my future .

Not of what I do in the future,

Just who I become in the future.

Will I suddenly suck on a microphone,

Just to get my voice to be heard.

Will I start flapping my hand,

Just to get my visions out.

Will I just lay on the river,

Without a care in the world.

Yeah, Maybe.

But it’s because of that very fact that I’m terrified.

Because I don’t know what my future holds.

I’m a human,

I like a list,

I like my things charted on a calendar.

So hey future if you can give me the dates,

That would be great.

The dates of the important things,

Do I find love?

Do I find a job?

Do I live long?

Just write my life down for me.

That would be great

But I know you won’t.

That’s why people only plan two years in the future.

Because our future is unwritten,
And people are also afraid of what it holds.

Our future is a math equation,

With infinite solutions.

That’s why we can’t solve life,

Because life is the biggest math problem in the world.

I’m afraid.

Afraid to find out I’m not good enough.

I’m afraid to share myself with the world just to be shot down,

Shot into a million pieces,

That no one will ever pick up,

And piece back together.

Scared that the pieces will drift

They’ll fall through every crack of the earth

Ever small incision they can find.
I am petrified of not being able to escape those cracks

To slither out of them cracks

But mostly I’m afraid that no one will help me out

Because in that point of my life
I want to know if someone will be there

To help me when I fall

To catch all of my tears

I want to know that someone will give up their lives

Just to help me

Because that’s what I need

I’m afraid of my future

But I’m not afraid of what’s going to get me there

I just hope there will be someone there

At the end of the finish line

Waiting

To give me water

To give me a towel

And say

You did it

Then I know

I won’t be afraid

So future hold back on those dates
Don't tell me yet
I'll tell you when I'm ready
I just hope
You're ready for me.