Tryhard

How is it that a majority of a generation looks down on people for trying

Do they not see any point in it all, just know that everyone is dying

So what’s the reasoning behind spending an evening deepening our knowledge

Working on a project

Dreaming an idea

Only for it to be shot down by the crowds

Screaming out loud

Get your head out of the clouds

You’ll never make anyone proud

It’s a waste of time

I’m trying to climb a mountain of doubt

And all you can do is shout

About the drought inside your own mind

So blind

Lost in the forest of the academically inclined

Guess I’ll just be unkind

Maybe when they’re assigned the role of a tryhard

They’ll stop trying so hard to pick up the shards of their confidence

Alone since everyone decided giving it their all was just a call for attention

But it’s not

It’s their ascension

While others face detentions and suspensions

We face the comprehension that nothing in life comes easy

Not breezy

Makes me queasy to imagine all the struggles to come

Use the beat of a drum to remember when to take a step towards my destiny

Searching for clarity

I know it’s a rarity,

But the key to prosperity

Is knowing how to focus on the positive

Rather than listening to the hate filled rhetoric

That the concept of trying in life is prehistoric

I’m telling you it’s euphoric knowing the truth

That while everyone should enjoy their youth

We need to know when to grow up

Metal Bodies: Chapter 9

The most infamously uncomfortable place Emme had woken up was a pile of tin cans in the back seat of a jeep. His heartbeat flipped as he began to move. This was in juxtaposition to his dawdling movement as he opened the jeep door. But when he finally did, he tumbled down to the ground with a few cans following after him. The landing was softer than expected due to a coat of snow on the earth.

The horizon was stark, but the landscape was snow painted, twinkling, and had tracks and prints peppered here and there. Emme began to stand up as the situation presented itself​. Ahead of him was a train track, but in between the rails was Alex, who was bound. In between Emme and Alex was Stone Hand, who was sermonizing toward the latter. “Ho-es that hold safe thriving -eings, -ut -ehind us are cities and towns that have only -ecome corrupted over time. -ut it was us, the Riot Suitors, who rescued the innocent from those destinations. And we -rought them to that -lace, that haven, where they could thrive and live like they never could have -efore. It was only relatively recent that we had decided to take action against those who have somehow -ecome corru-ted whilst under our hands. That is why you are here, you shall -e -unished for your corru-tion and attem-ts at corru-tion of Emme-,” Stone Hand was silenced as Alex yelled to the executioner. “I don't care about corrupting Emme or whatever, all I wanted to do is return him to that town and then I would just disappear,” Alex’s voice clutched rage, but it was a thin veil for dread.

“S-eaking of which, Emme,” Stone Hand spun around, revealing a rifle held by the menacing statue of a being “I wish to give this to you, with this you can take action toward reclaiming your -eing. Take this, and -ith it extinguish the fla-es created by Alex.” Emme took hold of the gun from a cold gloved hand. He walked forward, the snow crunching under his feet. Alex’s face began to become clear, with the fine detail of a trail appearing. As he gripped the metal and wood of the weapon, memories of being shown how to shoot different types of firearms, just in case something was to happen. Emme raised the butt of the rifle to his shoulder, put his finger on the trigger, spun his body around, and aimed at Stone Hand. The bolt only jutted forward when he fired. In response, a combat knife came flying at Emme. It hit his chest, he was blown over, and became still just outside the tracks.

A train whistle could be heard in the distance.

“I should have known that you would fail that test if that -astard had cut his claws dee- enough into you,” Stone Hand grumbled as Emme was plucked and drawn up by his trench coat collar. The boy’s face was stared at with bits of disappointment, anger, and the feeling of wasted time. Emme grabbed the knife in his chest and stabbed at the mask in front of him. He only punctured it, but then was thrown to the side, leaving a long cut above the mask’s exhalation valve. “Why are you resisting? If you would su-mit there will -e only the cleansing of your -eing. Have you been so corru-ted that you cannot see reality,” Stone Hand pondered as Emme forced himself up. He felt about the inside of his trench coat then withdrew his hand, it more like a fist with a knife in its center. The snow crunched as Emme recovered his footing, and as soon as he assembled himself Stone Hand, who had put the rifle in one hand, hooked the cut in the mask, and pulled down, “Do you think damaging my equi--ent would hurt -e? Hundreds of you have acted the sa-e -ay, destroying our gear. -ut it is not the gear that -akes a Riot Suitor, -hat -akes us is our trained DNA that has -een -assed down and strengthened,” Stone Hand snapped, and by the time the anger subsided, Stone Hand had severed the exhalation valve from the mask and launched it to the ground. This exposed the uncovered coral teeth and puce, pulpy gums of the executioner. The pair were enclosed by ring of scars. The rifle was loaded and aimed at Emme. Stone Hand was abrupt to fire, but the shot was botched and barely hit the rail beside him. “Da--it! Why can't I ever get shooting right! I-it -on't -atter I can't get cut again,” Stone Hand erupted as the rifle was reloaded.

The train whistle was now a booming.

As Emme raced forward, Stone Hand clenched and reeled back the free hand. The fist was thrown forward, but it was met with a knife. It slipped between the fingers, but only was halted when the top of the handle exactly met the knuckles. Stone Hand's body retracted as a scream of agony exploded. A loose glove now held the rifle, and Emme yanked it into his possession. The towering mound tried to regain a strong stance with the enemy shown his size, but this only left an open face that stared down at Emme. He bashed the face above him with the butt of the rifle, knocking pink teeth down their owner’s throat. With Stone Hand choking, Emme ran over to the still bound Alex, who was stunned by what the boy had done. He tossed the rifle to the other side of the tracks, brought out the combat knife, cut, and pulled away the ropes. Once this was done, Emme went behind Alex and pulled him away from the tracks. He sat up and grabbed the rifle when he heard vomiting. Alex stood up to see Stone Hand was now boiling with anger. The steam engine’s fists were solid and movement toward the two were blunt stomps. Alex readied the rifle, steadied it. Stone Hand was now standing in the same place Alex was moments ago. He fired, the bullet did hit, but it hit Stone Hand in the dead center of the chest. Alex's​ hands loosened from the rifle and his face went pale “I missed,” he admitted. The fists, and even the body, of Stone Hand seemed to release. After that time seemed to be frozen, the only movement was blood dripping from the gums of Stone Hand.

It seemed like hours later when the train’s whistle returned, and with it came its originator. And just like that, the tower was obliterated and replaced by a wall of moving train cars. Emme and Alex stared at them. They heard music, but eventually this shifted into moos and stamping. After the train’s last car passed out of view, there was nothing. No sound, no movement, not even the cold seemed to touch the two. “We need to talk,” Emme decreed with drops of regret in his voice.

This is how a star goes

Let me tell you how a star goes

She is a small star
Yet her gravity draws a multitude
into her hypnotic orbit
To some she fills the sky
To others she is the faraway white pinpoint at night
But to all she is the sun
Tiny but blazing
Her rays far reaching
Her heat felt light years away
And when she goes
She contracts to erupt
She expands
to swallow all those near her entranced
scarring them
yet leaving them better than before she appeared
when she goes
she floods their atmospheres
bursting into thin layers of color
stroking the edges of her solar system
she is the melting purple in the sky at the end of the day
she has conquered the clouds
and signed the horizon
hold onto now
and hold onto her
because she is the warmth in your cup of coffee
faith at its finest
frozen in flight
she is a daylily
she is light
but drags your heart to your feet
and takes away the breath that she can't keep

But let me tell you
When a star goes she's never done
she becomes a supernova
a memory blinding in resplendence
bright enough to upstage the Milky Way
and never to be forgotten.

Metal Bodies: Chapter 8

“-ank you for making tracking you down easy. It’s good to see that even after what you’ve done you’re still on our side of the just. I’ll -e at Rodentown -y midnight at least. Again thank you, out,” there was a beep then there was stillness. But before Emme could acknowledge what he heard, he lurched back into rest.

When Emme woke up, the motel room was uninhabited. But a flood permeated his mind. “Where is he? Wait… he… was that a dream?” he mused.

On the table was a seemingly prematurely written note that was scribed on the map. It read, “GONE TO GET CAR YOU GET GAS THEN WE LEAVE -ALEX” Emme discovered this with a building wariness. Tracks began to burrow into the motel carpet as he began pacing. He swallowed the sprouting feeling and moved on, trying to break away the puzzle pieces he forced together. “That wouldn’t make sense, I just was having a nervous dream and I’m…” Emme took a deep breath, “we’re OK.”

Though the gray door had to be opened with the same amount of force, it seemed to open smoother this time. Emme shambled inside the box with a slip of confidence, but a sheet of nervousness. Drew and Jay were gathering up snow that had slipped through the vents. In the left corner was a modest pile of snow. “H-hey, I-i’m here guys,” Emme stuttered. Drew produced a double take when he saw him, “Kid you showed up, that’s great!” “Yeah um... do you have the uh… gasoline?” Emme mumbled.

“Yup, we have it ready. We’re also getting the dinner ready.”

“Yeah… wait, no I forgot to get the sample.”

“Oh that’s fine, we wouldn’t be eating till, like, tomorrow.”

“OK, so other than that, what have you guys been doing.”

“Well, we were talking about just sorta the previous people that were here when you came by. Like Jay’s parents or what not.”

“Cool,” by now Drew handed Emme a gas canister, “I’m gonna go get that sample.”

“Man, I wonder how juicy this sample’s going to be.”

“Juicy? Like a steak?”

“Yeah… why would you ask? You’re the one who has it.”

“Oh… n-nothing I just had a small slip up and forgot some stuff. I’m nervous, that’s going to happen,” then there was a lull of silence. “I bet you are nervous,” was the only input Jay put into this sequence.

Emme shuffled back to the motel with his slip crumpled and his sheet now a poster. When he reached the room, he set the canister on the table. His tight grip upon it loosened like a claw machine. He returned to digging the tracks in the carpet. But before he could work himself up, Alex burst into the room. “Emme, grab the knife, the lighter, the map, and half of the cheese, I’ll carry the other half! Oh yeah, also the gas,” Alex blurted out into the room. Emme jumped back, “God Alex, you almost gave me a heart atta-”

“Just get the stuff and we’ll get going,” Alex sputtered as Emme stuffed most of the tables contents into his trench coat pockets.

As the two jogged to the center of town, the people they passed started to murmur to each other. The center of town was a small clearing that held a single podium and many chairs, and in front of this was a jeep. Far behind the podium were the mechanisms that Emme saw before. When he reached the car, he opened the fuel tank and poured the “gray matter” into it. When the two were roaming toward the driver's seat and passenger's seat doors, the other duo could be seen down the street. “Hey kid, I wanna ask you something,” Jay yelled at Emme. Alex was already sat with his load of the cheese on the floor. But Emme had just a foot in the car. Alex grabbed him by his coat and pulled him onto his seat. “Just drive! Let’s just go,” Alex barked. Emme slammed the door, started the car, and put it in drive. Just as the two burst into drive away, Jay yelled obscenities and began to chase after them. Emme swerved to avoid people, but Jay began to gradually slow down.

When Rodentown was just out of eyeshot the sky had turned a navy blue. “It’s good we got out of there, I don’t know about you but I didn’t want to be caught up in that,” Alex mentioned. Emme’s sludge of ideas started to boil, “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing, it’s just… nothing.”

“No, tell me what’s happening.”

“Emme it’s fine, you don’t- why did you park the jeep,” Alex stared as Emme got out and stood looking back above Rodentown. Emme’s sludge began to finally solidify. On the far horizon, colorful combustions appeared. Alex got out and also stood staring at the explosions. “Is this what you were worried about,” Emme breathed out.

“N-no I w-was, no that wasn’t.”

“Is this what you Riot Suitors were planning?”

“What? I don’t-”

“It makes sense now, you’re just using me as bait.”

“Emme I don’t-”

“You’ve attacked me, knocked me out, almost kidnapped me, and you made yourself look like you were on my side so I would be trusting of you. But you’re not smart, and I’ve found you out.”

“Emme just,” Alex stared at the person that was talking crazy “get into the car and we can talk about this later.” There seemed to be abounding moments and yet nothing between Alex saying this and him being pushed down by Emme then him whirling the car back to Rodentown.

When Emme arrived, the entirety of Rodentown were gathered at the center of town and one person was talking at the podium. “Thank you all for gathering at such a quick pace. I know to some who are new to our rituals these cloaks and masks are weird and unnecessary. But it is a small choice to participate. But why do we do this? It is to honor the child. The child who sacrificed themselves for our continuing. But there was but one thing that forced our people into that point. It was the gathering of demons that stole their souls. But those times are long gone, and we have now thrived,” the speaker preached. Emme frantically scanned the scene, but nothing was unordinary or out of place. He didn’t understand what was happening.

Two of the citizens took a quick glance behind them, getting just a slight look at Emme. They turned around, scolding the confused boy behind them. One of them formed fists. He started to stomp forward toward Emme. When Emme realized this, he slowly began to back away from the statue towering over him. Jay finally spoke, “You bastard, have you come to steal from us again.” Though he tried to talk, Emme’s throat was shut. Jay was about to speak as a knife flew from his left side, striking through Jay’s neck. Out of the shadows, marching toward the gathering of people which at this point were shaken by what had preceded, was a single tall figure. Emme was one of the few people to truly recognized them. The figure stood over the dying body that they had created. “How dare you insult the innocent,” were the striking words that the figure spoke. Emme turned around and ran away. But the figure was quick to chase after him, run in front of him, stop, and slam their fist into Emme’s face like a stone, knocking him unconscious.

"These Damaged Petals"

Classic/Inspiration

From “The Rose That Grew from Concrete”

By Tupac Shakur

You see,

You wouldn’t ask why the rose that grew from concrete had damaged petals.

On the contrary,

We would all celebrate its tenacity,

We would all love its will to reach the sun.

Well,

We are the roses.

This the concrete.

These are my damaged petals.

Don’t ask me “why?”

Ask me “how?”

Response

“These damaged petals”

By Jason Kohls (2017)

Petals that cling desperately,

As if fluttering to earth was a spiralling into hell,

Turn brown around the edges,

Lose their crimson hue,

And their delicate grasp,

Making that descent to the dirt that lay beneath.

But it is not into the flames of torment that the petals

Fall.

Not toward the searing pain of death,

But, in reality,

Quite the opposite.

As the drying petal falls,

It leaves behind a scarlet blossom,

Beautiful and delicate,

One whose fragrance still dances on the night breeze,

For it is only as the rose sheds it damaged petals,

Letting them flutter to the earth from which it grows,

Can the flower’s beauty

Turn itself to the sun,

As the petals, preserved in their dried state,

Remain about the rosebush,

A part of the past,

That leads to continual future.

Metal Bodies: Chapter 7

On the horizon arose a humble brisk town. Out of the individual Cardinal directions laid strong but aged roads. And trekking atop that road was a jeep that contained Alex and Emme. "Uh, I don’t think we’re going to make it to that town," the latter noted with modest regard in his voice. The former took a brief glance at the dashboard and responded with, "Then just pull over to the side of the road, and we can just walk there." "Sounds like a good idea,"

Alex cautiously walked to the town whilst Emme strode. On the road and on the boys’ clothes, little patches of white began to develop. "Let’s hurry up, this snow's falling pretty fast," Emme mentioned. "I was just about to say the same thing," Alex acknowledged.

"It’s just annoying, you know?"

"Yep, like this one time, me and this group were hunting. So it’s snowy and all and we were going to take our haul back. But then we find out that our loader is stuck in the snow. So we have to spend the next, like, hour trying to get it loose. And why did it get stuck? Because the dumb bingo went with the same time that it would have been if we hadn't been in snow"

"Huh, what the heck is a ‘dumb bingo’?"

"I don’t really know, my dad and one of his friends used to say it. I just kinda picked it up I guess."

"Hm, I wonder if I have anything like that."

The environment in front of Emme and Alex was something extraordinary to them. Yes, they had arrived at the town, and nothing seemed peculiar initially. But the residents that dwelt there were off kilter. They donned cloaks and masks that resembled mice. One of the individuals gasped and ran toward the anomalous travelers. "Hello hello, welcome to Rodentown, travelers. What brings you to our town?," the greeter buzzed. Emme opened his mouth to speak when Alex shot out words, "We’re here because we need to get a place to sleep."

"I could show you somewhere."

"That would be great," Alex and the greeter began strolling throughout the town, Emme followed suit.

While walking, the group passed by the center of the town. Several workers were placing pipes and other mechanisms. "Here you go, I hope you get to have a great night's sleep even though you're away from home," the greeter directed them toward a motel. Alex nodded to the greeter, and he and Emme walked inside one of the rooms.

The room was furnished with two beds, a nightstand, and a table. And atop that table was a wheel of cheese, a knife, a candle, and a lighter. "Why aren’t we going to go get gasoline?," Emme queried as he stepped about the room. Alex looked over the wheel of cheese when he mumbled, "To give us some time to think, to not look weird, and I think we should relax a bit."

"Oh, good. Ya know, to be honest, I don't know what I’m doing. Getting some stuff worked out is probably one of the best things we can do right now."

"Is that why we ran out of gas?"

"I don’t know, the jeep could have been low on gas when we left… What is that?," Emme directed as he motioned at the wheel. Alex peered over, "That is food. I don’t know why they would give it to us, but we should just take it, anyway," he strode over to the sole window and closed its curtains. "Get out the map," Alex commanded. Emme pulled it out and spread it out over the table. "Where exactly are you planning to get back to?," Emme pointed to a black dot near the middle of the map. Alex in turn started to trace his finger around the illustrated roads. Occasionally he would grumble things like, "No that wouldn’t work," or "That’s to risky". "I’m going to go look for some gasoline," Emme piped up.

"Go ahead, I’ll be working on this."

As Emme meandered outside of the motel, he echoed a question to himself, "Where to get gasoline?," But when he was just a few yards away from the motel, the same greeter rushed up and asked how he was. Emme refocused on them and affirmed, "Uh… I’m good."

"That is great, do you need anything?"

"Yeah I need a, no I mean some, gasoline."

"I don’t know what that-, oh I remember, yes. You can get some of that…,” the greeter put their hand on their mask’s chin. "OK you will want to go forward for something like three intersections and then you go left and up a bit. Then on the right there will be a sort of weird looking building. That is the place you want to go for gasoline."

"Thanks, you know, you’ve been really helpful with us."

"You too."

"What?"

"Nothing, I messed up talking," The greeter let out a slight chuckle and watched as Emme jogged away.

The "weird building" as it was detailed, was less of a building and more of a gigantic wooden box. And nearring the top of it were evenly placed vents. The solitary entrance into the box was an grey door near it’s right side. Emme attempted to open the door, but it had to be pushed hard to merely open it a crack. The interior of the box was lit only by light let in through the vents. The walls and ceiling occured to be metal. The most extensive area of the structure was a basin in the ground. In the basin was a murky ashen liquid that couldn’t have rose above a foot. Lining the walls were hefty plastic containers that looked like they were either to the brim with the same liquid or were unfilled. As Emme advanced forward, just past the door, he was snatched by his collar. "What is it, Jay?," the raised question came from someone that stood in the basin with one of those same containers in their hand. Emme struggled to shift his body to look at his ambusher. Of what he could see, he saw the same type of cloak he’d already seen. And, just like the others, they wore mask of a rodent. "It’s some kid, Drew," they answered then shifted Emme so they could confront him directly. "So, how did you find out about this place," the guard asked. As Emme tried to find his words, he nervously stared into the eye holes and saw the wall of a person’s stern eyes. "Th-the greeter that bro-brought me to the m-motel told me to I could get some gasoline from this place," Emme sputtered with the quickness of a cockroach.

"Wait… oh yeah you're one of those train kids, right?"

"... Yeah sure yes," and with those words acting like a password, Emme was let down.

"Sorry about that, it's just not… wait it's getting to that time ain’t it."

"Y-yep so um I just need to get some some gasoline."

"Oh sure you're going to get it sooner or later. So did the old beast run out early when it was coming round?"

"I-I don’t know. It’s just I don’t know what I’m saying, I mean, I’m new to this-"

"I see, so don’t worry about anything. Just come back tomorrow and I can get you some grey matter, that’s the common term by the way"

"... Thanks," Emme only concluded only after thinking through what to say. Drew climbed out, scanned around the room, and shouted across the building, "I’ll give you some fuel tomorrow, just come over and you’ll be doin’ fine," Emme frequently nodded during this whole exchange. He then stumbled toward the door but was stopped by Jay. "You’re gonna bring the sample for the dinner, right?," he proposed. A stiff and shaky thumb was Emme’s only response. As he wobbled away from the building, he brought his hands to his face, only able to see the world through his twitching fingers.

The motel door opened as if it was pushed by the wind. The room was silent. Emme sluggishly fell onto the one of the beds. Alex’s calm face stared at him with complete ignorance. He thought for a second, got up, and pushed Alex awake. "What do you want?," the tired boy blasted. Emme rubbed his face and spewed words, "I-I messed up so bad."

"What did you do.”

"OK, so I went to this building and they, like, interrogated me and they said I was someone. So then I kinda went along with it, I guess, and they said they would give me gasoline tomorrow!"

"That’s good… Oh wait-"

"But then they talked about a sample for a dinner and I said I would bring it!"

"Don’t worry about it Emme, we’ll do fine"

"Like, I don’t have any sample, I have no idea what this ‘sample’ is!"

"Emme we’ll be fine, I-"

"Are you sure? Because what if I go over and they want the sample right then and there!"

"Emme," Alex stood up and rest a hand on Emme’s cheek. He reeled back that hand and slammed his fist into Emme’s shoulder. "Did you just feel that?"

"Ahh, yes, why?"

"To get you to slow down and get your mind off of that. We’ll do fine and we can get out of it by the end of tomorrow night, I swear. Also, I made the route for the map."

"How are we going to be fine, what are we going to do."

"You think of what to do and in the morning we can talk about what you came up with."

"You sure this is a good idea?"

"Yeah, just think about the stuff you could do. Also do something repetitive, it could help you concentrate."

"Uh… OK."

"Anyway I gotta go get something out of the car."

"Wait… Here," Emme wiped out the key to the jeep and tossed it toward Alex. He caught the key, gave a thumb up, and left. Emme gazed around the room until his eyes set upon the cheese wheel. "I guess I could do something with this," Emme decided. He then sat down, grabbed the knife and stuck it into the wheel. It barely stuck into it, only making a tiny sliver. Emme considered for a second, and then put it together. He lit the candle, heated up the knife, then sliced through the cheese with ease. The wheel was then transformed into bricks.

By the time Emme was done with chopping up the wheel, Alex hadn't returned. But Emme went to bed not thinking about it. The only thing in his mind was a single thought.

But Emme was awoken in the night. Of what he could see out of his fuzzy vision, he saw Alex grasping a black brick with a stick erected on the top side. Emme heard a specific thing, a familiar voice, one belonging to a person described as a, "stone hand".

Shadow of Death

Although I tread in the shadow of death,

With nothing to me but the skin I bear,

I find acceptance in a single breath,

For that Is what I found the world can share.

While black may tremble my soul in stone,

Leaving no sliver of light to shine on me,

I find the sun leaves a promise known

I shall prevail as the moon will see

For the truth of night shall have its reach,

To creep into the mind when I solemnly sleep

For while I’m awake in the the world, I beseech,

Praise to my mind, for thoughts do not speak

Now I shall go to seek my abyss

To seek what I claimed where the night stood still

Wherever I go in this shadow of bliss,

I will be the light and the darks first kiss.