4.0

What is a 4.0

When you pull the answers off the internet

And learning is far from your intent

Stuffing your mind with facts

That you’ll soon forget

What is a 4.0

When you just called the kid behind you ugly

And the kid in front of you a retard

And your last name gets you a

Get out of jail free card

What is a 4.0

When effort is a foreign concept

And trying hard is for nerds

And the term nerd is a dirty word

It would be a sin to like to learn

Because God Forbid someone enjoys school

And why go the extra mile

When you can get a 4.0 with running a 200

And what is a 3.0

When you fill the world around you with positivity

A smile so bright it affects visibility

And even if you weren’t gifted with academic ability

You still have a whole lot more possibility

Than that lazy 4.0

Because you have room to grow

And they are complacent

Complacency killed the cat

Not curiosity

And if success drives

Then failure drives 50 mph faster

Do not rest until you have mastered

And then only take a quick breather

Because achievement is like a fever

It spreads all around

Making everyone’s temperature rise with passion

And the desire to do the best

Be the best

And never, ever rest

Some say that others fuel them

Others criticism, others doubt

But how about

How about my doubt?

The voice inside my head

Can’t can’t do anything but roll over and die

But my can’t is a fighter

My “can’t” is fuel

My “can’t” I turn around and use as a tool

That little voice

In the far back of my head

That little voice

Pushes me harder

Pushes me further

And when I finish

When I accomplish

That voice

Is more beautiful

Than any “can” ever said

So do not use a grading scale to measure your success

Don’t use the highest number to define your potential

And even if you’re low in the digits your growth can still be exponential

Because life is not a math class

With people labeled in numbers

Each with a defined value

Add em all up to get some answers

Life isn’t English either

With archetypal characters

All playing apart in the rise and fall of the story

Each giving way to the main character’s glory

Life is a big bowl of noodles

All tangled together

Nobody knows where one starts and the other ends

A series of twists and twirls and bends

Made up by beautiful tragedies and enemy friends

And if life is a whole bunch of spaghetti

I sure am ready

To eat it all up

And not worry about if one noodle is a little bit shorter than the other

Because I do not base value on numbers

And neither should you

Autology

I’m insecure, what can I say?

I, genuinely, apologize for things I didn’t even say.

I’m worried about your perspective of me,

Please don’t leave me be.

I rely on feedback, details, and thoughts.

I’m a people pleaser at heart,

I don’t think I’m that great at that art.

I’m very contradicting.

I’m insecure, what can I say?

I’m understanding for others, but not myself.

I, basically, mentally abuse myself more often than not.

No one seems to notice,

And I don’t want to get in the way.

I’m insecure, what can I say?

I’d hate to be someone’s burden

With my irrational fears and tears for years.

I guess I can be kinda strong, but

I’m not being fake or leading people on.

It’s just my other side occasionally turns on.

It’s something I can’t control,

No matter how many times my parent’s say:

“You just have to think a different way”.

I only hope to get better because I’m tired of feeling this way.

It’s exhausting battling yourself day after day.

Don’t worry, I’ll be okay.

My insecure side will hopefully fade away.

Escapology

I’m tired of the voices arguing with one another,

They won’t compromise, it’s like one or the other.

Why’s everything so loud? Quit yelling at others.

Don’t you see you’re right next to one another?

You’re just a silly, irrational, burden to another.

You’ll never find your romantic significant other.

Why’s it so hard to see what you see, mother?

We’re not like one another, please don’t smother.

I don’t care if it’s a phase, it just needs to stop forever.

It’s ruining my life, I just can’t handle it like the others.

I’m trying to love myself and put myself before others,

but I’ve been trained not to, I care too much about others.

I’m losing my control, but I’m trying just like the all the others.

It’s not enough anymore to talk it out, I need more than others.

Please don’t hurt, push, or overlook me so fast like the others.

I want something more, cause I’m tired of bein’ ruled out by others.

#NoFilter

Social Media has made us all models
Taking photographs with exact angles
And perfect filters
Cleaning up the mistakes we see on ourselves
Deleting the rejects
Because no one is allowed to see us in our truest form
Nobody lives life with a Valencia filter
Some of us have acne
Deal with it
But we can’t
We can’t stand the smallest imperfections
So we crop them out
We blur the face given to us
Because we see ourselves as ugly
Hideous beings that have to be perfect
We create our own masks
Then share them with the world
Praying for validation
And with each like
With each comment
We sink deeper into the pit of self-hate
Because it just shows how people would rather see you in black and white
Than see the real you
Instagram is meant for sharing photos instantly
It’s in the name
Yet we spend hours fixing every small detail
That might be noticed and commented on
God forbid anyone see the pimple on your nose
It’s not like they won’t see it the next day at school
These photos create monsters
Power hungry individuals
Giving themselves the face they want
Rather than understanding they are beautiful the way they are
And while burn victims live with half a face
And war veterans wear their scars in public
We hide our zits
Believing we have it worse than anyone else
I may be a hypocrite
I’ve spent more time than I am proud of
Using that blemish-removing tool
So I can look at myself without feeling insecure
Insecure about myself because all of these other people have the perfect profile picture
While I can’t help but stare at that one dot on my chin
That small dot that makes me feel so utterly self-conscience
That I can’t bear to look at myself
So I blur these mistakes
I add one of those filters
Trying to make myself look like a happier version of myself
While I’m really making myself feel even worse
No filter can make a difference
We all know what hides behind the editing that took place
And the few times we post our true selves
The #NoFilter posts
We believe we have made a huge statement
But why can’t this be the norm
Why can’t a picture with a few blemishes
Be seen as beautiful
One small imperfection means nothing in the big picture
Just the insignificant ones you take yourself
Our obsession with tweaking our faces until we are unrecognizable needs to end
We’ll all end up with wrinkles and age spots one day
Learn to live with your imperfections
They are what make us unique
Once we crop them out
We’ve cropped out our individuality
I’m not saying the occasional touch-up isn’t allowed
But when we rely on these tools for every photo we take
We miss out on the more important things in life
Snap a quick pic
Put the phone down
And live the life you have in the moment
Instagram should be used to save the quick memories
While the important ones are saved inside of us
Stop wasting your life choosing that one filter
Life doesn’t have filters
Be raw and unchanged
Be yourself
Stop wearing your mask
And show the world that you are proud of the face you have
It’s the only one you have
Wear it with dignity

Home

Home grown

Like a seed planted in the soil

Watered and weeded

We grow taller and taller

Our buds aching to find the sun

Twisting around to be graced by the bright

Warm

Light

But still anchored firmly in the ground

We call four walls our home

When we are small

We say the word with quivering chins

And yearning eyes

And as we get older

Our eyes roll, spinning with sarcasm as

We say it with pain in our voices

“Mom says I need to come home”

Or we think of home and smile

At the end of a long day

Ready to collapse

Into the open arms of the living room

Wrapped into a hug by Grandma’s quilt

A house that was built

Maybe yesterday

Maybe a hundred years ago

Maybe it isn’t even a house

An apartment, a condo

It is home

But one day

Home will change

I remember the moment

When my sister quit saying “I’m going back”

And instead said

“I’m going home”

But it didn’t make sense

How could she be going home

When she was walking out the front door

Because suddenly

My home was her home no more

Somewhere deep in that part of her brain

That spits out words with automatic ease

A dictionary locked and loaded

Each image has a set of sounds connected to it

The image connected to

H

O

M

E

Had changed

The place she used to get homesick for

Became the place she got homesick at

But did her new home have the line of scratches on the window sill, scarred from when the dog and I’d line up there, puppy claws next to my chubby fingers, watching with uncontainable excitement as our brother unloaded arms full of laundry from his car because the washer at college costs money and mom didn’t

Did her home have the pear-printed kitchen wallpaper that always used to terrorize me because if you look just right at each pear the paint smears make an evil face

Did her home have the room with purple, blue, and green walls, painted when I was twelve as my birthday present from when I was ten

Did her home have the holes in the livingroom from nails that held the handmade advent calendar at christmas time, the poem “The night before christmas” scrolled across its doors, the candy surprises inside almost as good as my grandmother’s paintings on the outside

Did her home have the entry way with the vaulted ceilings, shaped just right so that the sounds of my mom greeting visitors would be funneled into my room, letting me know it was my grandpa and not a neighbor at the door, his laughter dancing up through the halls of home

No home is not without wounds.

Home is a whole plethora of little holes and scratches, waiting to be patched by memories

And that is when you know that you have been transplanted for good

When your vines grow into the nooks and crannies of a place

Your home grown roots now clinging to a different soil

But while a Florida orange has made its home on my Kansas countertop

The orange does not suddenly become a kansas orange

Because it was florida grown

Florida is part of its name

And floridian it will remain

I Don't Know How

I don't know how to tell you this
Your smile melts my heart like chocolate
Someone forgot was in their pocket
On a warm afternoon
Oh man, that sounded awful
Let me try again
Your laugh reminds me of that time I had to take pain medication
And everything was just so funny and happy and great
Wow, now I sound like a drug addict
Why is this so hard
Why can't I tell you how I feel
I just don't know
It's so hard to open up now
These used to come easy to me
But it felt scripted
It's harder to think of compliments
When every time you tried complimenting others
They shot you down like a WWII plane
And now I sound like a nerd
This is not going the way I intended
Everything seems to be getting confusing
I can't think straight when I'm around you
It's so hard to say something witty or romantic
Because I fade into the background so easily
It might not even be heard
I think about you all the time
Great, now I'm a crazy stalker
You are making this way too difficult
Why can't I do this
I don't know how
Wait...
I have an idea
Here it goes
All of these other compliments are awful
They're nothing like a Shakespearean sonnet
Filled with romance and beauty
I compared my heart to gross, sticky chocolate
And we all know how bad that sounds
I'm beginning to think that the reason this is so hard
Is because it's impossible to find words to describe how marvelous you truly are
I think the world needs new words just to describe you
All of these cliches don't mean a thing
When they only scrape the surface of the masterpiece that is you
One day a word will be created to describe you
Describe the way your hair shines in the sun
The way your smile shines brighter than that sun
Or the way your soul warms mine like the sun
Wow, I used the sun a lot in those few lines
But for now
Since that word doesn't exist yet
And I don't know how to create that word
I'll just use the word that I think is closest
To describing you
Extraordinary

Eye Contact

I remember one day in band class

As I was waiting to play the next song

Everyone was talking and laughing

Like they were at a party, not in a class

One of our band directors just stood there

Staring

One student noticed, and immediately hushed

Others noticed

And like a blanket covering the room

The class went silent

He stood there, still staring

Until he finally opened his mouth

And told the class how eye contact can control an entire room

If you know what you are doing

Eye contact can do a lot more than shut an entire room of teenagers up

Even though that is quite a feat

It can decide your future

Can make connections

Or even destroy them

A gaze from across the room

A chance encounter at a coffee shop

So many different places

Different possibilities to meet someone

And it all depends on one thing

Eye contact

When we dream

We only see the faces of people we’ve seen before

I wonder if the most vivid faces in our dreams

Come from the people whose eyes stood out to us

That one person in the mystery section of the library

Who takes a glance across the room

Locking eyes with you

Creating a new mystery

Is this love at first sight

Maybe that first day of class a few years ago

As your eyes met that kid in the front of the room

And you knew immediately

You were gonna hate that kid

Eye contact is so important

Anywhere from job interviews

To first dates

Your eyes decide the final outcome

And it doesn't matter if you wear glasses

Have a glass eye

Or can't see at all

Well, actually if you can't see than eye contact means nothing

But those other possibilities

They have the same outcome

Either you meet a friend or an enemy

Your one true love

Or a stranger you never see again

That second of eye contact makes a lifetime of a difference

They say that eyes are the windows to the soul

So maybe when you look someone in the eyes

You’re witnessing them in their true form

What if

What if it's called love at first sight

Because you finally found a soul that intertwines with your own

Whatever the situation is

Whether you see it or not

Remember that your eyes

Make the biggest impact on the world

Even if it doesn't impact you